Leaving a legacy!

^{Photo by Glenn Carstens Peters on Unsplash}

Yesterday when I was at sports physio in our local health centre, I looked up from doing some squats to see an older man opposite me who for a moment or two, reminded me of my Uncle Pete. The resemblance in my mind didn’t last long but it triggered a whole cascade of memories.

The words ‘my Uncle Pete’ of course will mean very little to most who will read this. Yet indulge me for a few short paragraphs…

Had he still been living, Uncle Pete would have turned 96 next month. He was born in 1928 in the seaside town of Ilfracombe on the north Devon coast in south west England. Growing up, I remember him as a quiet man, having a good sense of humour and a love of jazz music. His career was as a journalist, in particular I recollect for the Western Morning News. Being a writer was the reason I chose the photo at the top(though Uncle Pete retired long before laptops would have been part of the newsroom).

For many years, he took a holiday to the same resort in Spain, sending a postcard to our parents with some kind of witty comment.

He was an Arsenal fan – I guess I can forgive him for that!

The last time I saw him alive was when he was living in Acton, London. Helen and I were up visiting Helen’s brother and realised that Uncle Pete was only a few streets away. I had not seen him for quite some years, so off we went to visit.

It was a bit of a challenge to convince his formidable landlady to let us into the building. On ascending the stairs and ringing the bell to his rooms, we waited. Uncle Pete opened the door, took one look at me and used some rather colourful language in exclamation! It still makes me smile every time I think of it.

Uncle Pete passed away on June 1st 2001. Joining with family, some friends and colleagues, I had the privilege to lead his funeral service later that month in Mortlake.

Searching online has so far yielded nothing for me about Uncle Pete’s life. It is as if from a digital point of view that he never existed. Yet he did and at least now, I can give mention of him in this thin nugget of internet text.

Is that the only reason I write the above – to honour that Peter Lewis Vince, born 5th June 1928 was on this planet?

No, but it is part of it.

For us all, there are all kinds of fond memories of people and experiences that are in our heads but probably many of these will be ‘lost’ once we ourselves pass away. Mmm, is that sounding a bit morbid? I don’t mean it to be. So let me try and bring out some points of reflection…

Express gratitude to those whom you are thankful for, whilst they are still alive. Loving words spoken at a funeral are an important part of remembering and grieving of course, I am not wishing to take away from that or be insensitive. Yet who might we express thanks to even in these coming weeks?

Re-connect? Is there someone you have fallen out of contact with – a family member or friend that perhaps you are stirred to reach out to? For me, it was someone from University days, of whom thankfully an online search did yield results.

Are there things you want to record in some way, to pass onto others for the future? If so, how might you like to do this?

What kind of footprint will linger and remain from our lives? In a world facing many challenges, what are we living for?

We will all leave some kind of legacy – what will it be? I am not meaning how easily will we be found in a digital hunt or even necessarily about acolades or achievements. ‘Leaving a legacy’ – what comes to your mind with such words?

One day I believe that I will come before my Creator and look back over my life. Maybe to some that seems a crazy idea, to others perhaps rather intimidating as a thought. Due to God’s grace found in Christ, it is not something that I fear (though I do not wish to imply here some great ‘saintliness’ on my own part).

As I have thought about Uncle Pete, it has stirred all kinds of thoughts. Thank you for bearing with me as I have shared some of these. I leave you with this pic below from 1976 – Uncle Pete is on the very right (and I am the other one in a pair of shorts!)

Andy

All Belong! (it’s World Autism Acceptance Week)

^{Photo by Tim Mossholder from Unsplash}

How do you respond to the two words in the picture above – ‘You belong’?

I hope that whoever you are, that you have a sense of belonging with others. That there are those you can be yourself with, safe persons, settings that are life-giving and grace-filled for you and others.

You belong!

Sadly, for all kinds of reasons, that is not going to be the experience for everyone. Prejudice, oppression, othering, stereotyping, chronic health issues, cultural differences and other factors can cause someone to feel they do not belong. For this blog I want to focus on neurodiversity and in particular, autism since it is currently World Autism Acceptance Week.¹

I want to highlight this since I believe it is really important that we acknowledge, honour and seek to support the agency of all who are neurodivergent.

I took a look online – there is no definitive figure about the numbers of those who are on the autistic spectrum – either here in the Netherlands or in the UK. The National Autistic Society (UK) gives the Government estimate of 1 in 100 people ² (though the Society themselves think it is possibly higher than this).

Back in my days as a school teacher, we would be informed occasionally that a young person was autistic and some guidelines given to be a support. This said, I am not sure how much understanding that gave me to truly be the help that such a young person deserved. Back then, I think the prevalent view was to see autism as a disability internal to the person rather than their being dis-abled by the way the wider world was structured to be for the neurotypical.

“When an Autistic person is not given resources or access to self-knowledge, and when they’re told their stigmatized traits are just signs that they’re a disruptive, overly sensitive, or annoying kid, they have no choice but to develop a neurotypical façade. Maintaining that neurotypical mask feels deeply inauthentic and it’s extremely exhausting to maintain.”

^{Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity – Dr Devon Price}
Having got to know more autistic people in recent years and reading about neurodivergency, there really is not one ‘typical’ neurodivergent person. This said, is there any ‘typical’ anybody? It can be so easy to try and put one another in a box, to label people and miss who someone is.

Within the international church community where I serve, we have a wonderful variety of people from all kinds of cultural backgrounds. Another great part of our diversity is that there are neurodiverse members as well as neurotypical. I give thanks for all that each autistic and other neurodivergent person adds to who we are as a church, including to our understanding together about faith in Christ and what this look like in life.

I also want to acknowledge that a church setting like other social situations, can bring all kinds of challenges for someone who is autistic. We still have some journey to go on as a church in relation to this, in terms of the physical environment, the way we run services and in what helps someone who is autistic to connect with faith expression. This week, I posted in our church app for more ideas and thoughts about how we might better do this.

You may have read this far and are not sure what it means for someone to be autistic. Or perhaps you have a certain view of what being autistic is like. Can I encourage you to take a few minutes to check out this link at least to give some clearer idea from the National Autistic Society in the UK:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism

This week is about autism acceptance but it is important to say that neurodiversity also includes others such as those who have ADHD or Tourette’s.³

As a pastor, I have become more aware in recent years of how some autistic people can struggle with some of the ways that faith in Jesus and relating to God is communicated. Erin Burnett, who is herself autistic, has written helpfully about this in a short book. ⁴

I love how she includes in her book, words of the apostle Paul about Christians being like the parts of a body (see 1 Corinthians 12:14 to 27). One verse for example:

“Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.”

^{1 Corinthians 12:27 New International Version}

I have highlighted here ‘each one’.

Erin Burnett goes onto write that the church can be a ‘prophetic witness’ in society ‘by providing an environment where people of all abilities can discover what their gifts may be, which in turn will benefit the wider church community.’

She quotes from the writing of an autistic pastor called Lamar Hardwick who argues that the point of inclusion is not just to help autistic people have a greater sense of acceptance and wholeness but to make the community whole. Neurotypical people may not see it but there is something missing when autistic and other neurodivergent persons are having to hide, mask or are not seen. That is not just injustice, it means wholeness for all is missing.

There is so much not said here in this brief blog. I still feel that I have far more to learn as I break out of what can be a restrictive lens of viewing the world since I am neurotypical.

All too aware of this, I have chatted this blog through with someone who is autistic. I am really grateful for their reflections. As I come to click ‘publish’may I say that any errors or over-simplicity is totally due to me and not them.

Much grace,

Andy

1 https://www.un.org/en/observances/autism-day

https://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/raise-money/world-autism-acceptance-week-2024

2 https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism

3 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/neurodiversity

4 With All Your Mind – Autism and the Church by Erin Burnett

I also recommend reading ‘Unmasking Autism’ by Dr Devon Price

Space for silence?

_{^{Photo by Ernie A Stephens on Unsplash}}

Today as I write, it is ‘Silent Saturday’ – the day that for christians marks the in-between remembering Jesus dying on the cross and the resurrection happening.

It is so called since the Gospel accounts say very little about the day – there is just one reference by Matthew to the religious leaders asking that the local Roman ruler, Pilate agrees to a seal on the tomb and a guard being posted (see Matthew 27:62-66). All to avoid Jesus’ followers stealing his body and claiming he was alive again!

Well, along with many, I believe that neither stone nor guards were able to keep Christ in that tomb. And He didn’t need bodysnatchers to get Him out of there. How about you this Easter weekend, what do you make of this central claim in christian faith – that Jesus died and rose again? A flight of fancy or is it true? If the latter, what then for you and me and our lives?

To come back to silence. I have not written since December. I have meant to do so. All kinds of themes have come to mind but I have not been able to bring myself to write. Or I thought about it at moments when not practical – like in the middle of the night, when in bed!

Meanwhile, the conflicts in Ukraine and Gaza continue. Oh for silence to come to the sound of war in both places, for the fighting to stop. This weekend in which christians celebrate resurrection, it seems only right to remember all those in situations of destruction. May a way to peace be found where it seems right now there isn’t one.

There is an intriguing verse in the last book of the Bible:

“and there was silence in heaven for about half an hour”

^{Revelation 8:1 New International Version}

I am not going to try and open all that up and the context it is set in (apocalyptic writings is not the easiest thing to comment on in a short blog!). Yet the verse came to mind earlier and so I sought to sit in silence for thirty minutes.

My brain was a bit all over the place – at least initially. Various people and situations came to mind which I prayed about briefly. Thoughts came to be getting on with this or that. Yet also, there was a sense of peace and stillness brought, after what has felt some busy weeks. And my being able to reflect some more on the Easter story.

Silence – this is a practice that both Helen and I seek to have in our lives regularly. Many across the planet do so also – from all kinds of religious and non-religious traditions. I admit it is not normally for 30 minutes in a row in my case, more like 10. I can’t claim it is amazing every time but I see deep value in it.

Though…

Sometimes I avoid it since it can mean facing up to some things that are painful.

Sometimes I miss giving space for it as I tell myself I am too busy.

Sometimes I simply forget!

And yet there is

“a time to be silent and a time to speak”

^{Ecclesiastes 3:7 New International Version}

Is there a space for silence in your life? Including muting your phone and unplugging from social media?

I commend finding space to be silent – however busy your life might seem. You might just find it leads to more than just the absence of sound!

Time now to sign off. Happy Easter!

Andy

A hopeful New Year?

^{Photo by BoliviaInteligente on Unsplash}

So it is almost 2024!

As I am sat typing this, I am recovering from a Christmas bout of covid. Catching it again brought back memories of the pandemic, including stirring thoughts and prayers for families who have lost loved ones due to the illness or have family members journeying with long covid.

Earlier I took a walk up to the local lake. As I arrived, a couple of seasoned swimmers had finished their aquatic experience for the day. Sitting on a bench, it was very peaceful by the water – the lake itself, virtually a millpond. I am grateful for those minutes there.

On my way home, I met a friend who lives in the neighbourhood. It was good to catch up. In our conversation, he questioned what kind of year lies ahead, expressing concern about possible political changes to come in certain other nations.

I am not going to open what we were discussing. Yet as you and I end one year and step into another, what gives us hope?

Seeing on the news the terrible death toll of civilians in Gaza, Israeli hostages still in capture, the possibility of the war spreading elsewhere in the region, this might seem to be a complete rebuff to any talk of hope. Or take the ongoing conflict between Ukraine and Russia – there seems to be no let up.

As it was Advent when I wrote my last blog post, I referenced to Christ as the Prince of Peace. I come back regularly in my prayers to crying out to God for peace to come in trouble torn places. I also wrote last time of my admiration for all those who work for peace on this planet. I wonder what drives each of them, what gives them hope?

What gives us hope?

CoP28 for the first time resulted in a call for the moving towards the phasing out of fossil fuel use. Some heralded this as a positive breakthrough, others argue that the text is too vague and does not go anyway near far enough. Again, this short blog is hardly the space to give meaningful comment. Yet will we rise up to the challenge as humanity, not just for people and other creatures alive now but for those yet to come?

As I step into this coming year, I draw hope from my faith in Christ. The apostle Paul wrote in one of his letters,

“And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

^{Romans 5:5 New International Version}

He wrote these verses to a fledgling Christian community at the centre of the Roman Empire. An Empire that a number of times in the decades ahead would actively persecute Christians and have many killed, some in grotesque entertainment at the gladiator arenas. Such as during the time of Nero – it seems that Paul himself was excecuted in this period.

What kept them true, what gave them hope? Well, of course we don’t have their recorded testimonies. Yet I believe their trust in Christ both for this life and after death, was an anchor point for them. Plus as Paul wrote in the words quoted above, a sense of God’s love poured into their lives and the Holy Spirit’s help. Help to live in a world that can be full of beauty and joy and yet can also be a place of heartache and trouble.

As I look back over 2023, there has been a mix of joy and difficulties. As I look into the coming year, there are things to look forward to yet also some uncertainties. What gives me hope?

Well, firstly that there are many in this world who do want to live in such a way that it is a better place for all. There are plenty of people who have not given up, who choose the hard but worth it path of seeking to walk out a call such as seen in these words of Jesus:

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.”

^{Matthew 7:12 New Living Translation}

It is not just many Christians who seek to do that – people of all kinds of world views do so. For instance, an article I read earlier this week focused on Jews and Arabs seeking to work together to heal divisions. It shows a seed of hope in such a terrible situation. If you want to read it, this is the link:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/dec/27/jews-arabs-uniting-war-jaffa-tel-aviv-standing-together-peace

As I finish this blog post and blogging for this year, I want to join with the apostle Paul and say what gives me hope at the deepest level is the love there is in God. This is not some kind of escapism from reality but includes a real hope for a new age to come, as Christ pointed to.

I do understand that this might seem like pie in the sky thinking. Yet this hope in Christ of a different age to come at His return, is something to shape how I live now. Receiving the love of God into our lives surely has within it the call to love others in a way that impacts real life now. God’s love should shape how Christians share about Christ with others. To love, even where it might well be very challenging to love. To pray but also to act in a way, full of grace as well as truth and justice, in response to words like Jesus taught –

“your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

^{Matthew 6:10 New International Version}

Amidst all of the challenges on the planet, Christ gives me hope.

What gives you hope?

If you have worries or even fear about the coming year, who can you talk to about it? Don’t let it just whirr around your head.

Or if you know someone who is fearful at present, how might you be a support, a listening ear?

Thanks for reading. I sign off for 2023.

Happy New Year!

Yours hopefully,

Andy

Seek justice!

^{Photo by Maria Oswalt on Unsplash}

How do you respond to a photo like above and why?

What about freedom? Is it something we treasure or do we take it for granted?

If I am honest, very often that I don’t even think about it in relation to my own daily life – I take it as a norm. How about you?

Originally in follow on from my previous blog, I was going to write about being more of a cultural learner rather than a cultural critic. I still aim to write on this soon. The past weeks have gone by though without my sitting to type anything – partly due to illness and some exhaustion, partly due to a good friend of ours, who was also a congregation member, passing away. Rem will be missed by many, I am so grateful to have known him.

Back to the topic of freedom… Today is the 75^th anniversary of the Declaration of Universal Human Rights. In this statement first drawn up by the UN in 1948, 30 articles are stated concerning how we should treat one another.

Article 1 for instance states,

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

And the second begins like this:

Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status.

Who would not want such things for themselves and for others? Yet sadly, there are too many countries signed up to such articles, who do not in fact live it out.

If you have never read the declaration, I think it is worth doing so and taking time to reflect on it. Here is a link: https://www.un.org/sites/un2.un.org/files/2021/03/udhr.pdf

As a Christian, who values the place of Scripture in my life, I see again and again a call for justice and treating one another as those ‘made in God’s image’. Prophets in the Tanakh (the Old Testament in the Bible) often spoke out about God’s heart for justice and what is right. For example,

‘Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow’ Isaiah 1:17

‘Let justice flow like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream’ Amos 5:24

‘What does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and walk humbly with your God’ Micah 6:8

The words of Isaiah quoted above come before a verse that Christians often love to quote and apply to the work of Christ in people’s lives:

“Come now, let us settle the matter,”
    says the Lord.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
    they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
    they shall be like wool.” Isaiah 1:18

I believe that in Christ such life transformation is now possible and available for all, regardless of background. Yet it strikes me afresh that such a promise given originally through Isaiah to the people of ancient Israel, is in the context of living right, including seeking justice for others. It can never just be about ‘personal salvation’ (important though I see that to be).

It is now the second week of Advent. For Christians around the world, there is focus afresh about Christ as the Prince of Peace. How the world needs such peace, especially when we consider that the word in Scripture means completeness, wholeness, not just the absence of conflict. Though, oh to see the conflict in Gaza and Ukraine for instance come to an end!

Christ called His followers to pray for God’s will to be done on earth. Yet Christ also called for engagement. As I quoted in a blog post dated October 12:

‘Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God’ Matthew 5:9

This is not passive nor is it necessarily easy to walk out. Grace, strength and wisdom from God is needed. Not everyone will take kindly to peacemakers – those who work to see reconciliation between aggrieved groups, to bring together those who have been in opposition or outright conflict. I think this is particularly true where they have been very real wrongs committed, people have been terrorised, driven from homes, persecuted or other awful experiences.

Of those who work for peace in hotspots around the world – I admire them, am grateful for what they do and also want to remember to pray for them.

For most, if not all of us, we will never be involved in high level negotiations. Yet we can all do something – whatever our world view belief is. As I have asked in previous blogs, what might it look like to be a ‘peacemaker’ in and through your life?

I think of Victor Fakunle who is from Nigeria and was part of our congregation for a number of years. Victor was very stirred about the injustice that many in the Nigerian judicial system face. Moved by his faith and this need, he set up a non-profit organisation that a number of years on continues to grow in its influence on behalf of others and not just for those in prison. It is called Human Rights Foundation, Nigeria¹. We are glad as a church community to pray regularly for them and for it to be one of the projects we support financially.

Hurray for the Victors of this world!

We may never get opportunities to speak with political leaders but how about action through groups like Amnesty International² or Christian Solidarity Worldwide³?

Yesterday our daughter Anna and I went to the city library to give some time for the ‘Write for Rights’ campaign⁴ that Amnesty International are organising in these weeks. Helen would have joined too but was teaching. We sat with others, who though strangers, were united in writing letters to governments on behalf of others experiencing injustice and in sending cards of support to individuals.

It is but one example, of how we might walk out standing up for others. To heed the call to ‘let justice flow like a river!’ Not just on World Human Rights Day but on all the other days between now and December 10^th next year.

Andy

^{(All Scripture quotations are from the New International Version)}

¹Human Rights Foundation, Nigeria: https://hrfng.org/

²Amnesty International: https://www.amnesty.org.uk/ (UK) https://www.amnesty.nl/ (Dutch)

³Christian Solidarity Worldwide: https://www.csw.org.uk/home.htm

⁴Write for Rights Campaign: https://www.amnesty.nl/write-for-rights (in Dutch)

Stepping back from preference, bias and prejudice

^{(Photo by Ann H from Pexels)}

Are you and I cultural critics or cultural learners? How open are we?

This is another topic that has been put before those of us taking part in the one of the latest Knowledge WorkX intercultural intelligence courses.

Before exploring being a cultural learner or critic, we reflected on preference, bias and prejudice.

One of the videos we were asked to watch in preparation was Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED talk: The danger of a single story (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9Ihs241zeg).

If you have never seen it, I think it is well worth watching. Actually even if you have watched it before, I think it is worth viewing again. I valued seeing it once more.

The danger of a single story…

What do you like to have for your breakfast?

For me it is generally banana and toast far more than cereal for example. How about you? Various things might shape your preference including family background, the country you grew up in or even what is available.

How about ways you like to relax? Or to exercise? What types of clothes do you prefer? Who are your favourite singers or bands?

All such questions touch on ‘preference’ – the selection of one thing over another.

Such preferences can be good and life giving. Yet preferences can also be self-limiting. It could mean that sometimes we shy away from trying something different which we may in fact enjoy. Or a preference could become unhealthy. I have a far more sweet tooth than a savoury one. Giving in to that too much would not be good for my personal well-being. (Though my dentist might get further work out of it!)

• Why not take a moment to think about what are some of your preferences?
• In stepping back, is there any area for which it could be enriching to try something else?
• Are we allowing our preferences to impose on others what might not be a good fit for them?

Alongside preference, there is also ‘bias’:

the inclination towards something, being predisposed in some way.

For example, during the civil rights movement in the USA, production companies were accused of bias against mixed-race story lines. Some southern stations refused to air shows with mixed casts such as in Star Trek. (source: https://www.yourdictionary.com/articles/examples-bias)

Growing up and learning history, often from a British point of view, got mixed with being imbibed with the thought that the British (and more specifically, the English) were always the goodies! Certain other nations were more the bad ones – either now or historically!

I ended up biased without even realising I was. I am glad that since then my eyes have been opened – I hope I have a more nuanced and balanced view now.

I am not wishing to imply that to have bias is by default wrong. Maybe it is not possible (or desirable?) to have no bias on anything. Would we actually be truly alive and reflecting life in all its variety?

It is good of course to be aware that bias is around and can distort what is presented to us – such as when we look at news sites for instance.

Whatever world view we hold, will shape how we think and act, it will incline us a certain way. I don’t think it is wrong to believe that there is absolute truth not just relativistic ideas (though I get that some might argue that is bias on my part). 

Take for example my being a Christian. With that arguably comes not just preference but also bias. So I am inclined towards focusing on Christ, reading Scripture, prayer, meeting with others to worship and towards sharing about faith with others – not only talk of ‘salvation’ but in practical expression of compassion, grace and justice. To name but some aspects.

Yet though I have such a ‘bias’, can I be open to those of other world views? Even to other Christians who might see being a Jesus follower in a different way?

Though I believe Christian faith to be true, am I willing to learn from others who hold to other beliefs ? Is there humility that I don’t have the perfect picture on God, the universe, faith and life? What of common ground between people of different world views? For instance, many people with divergent beliefs have a heart for justice. So can there be a coming together on certain things?

This being said, bias can become toxic and so tip over into prejudice and discrimination.

The Merriam-Webster online dictionary states of prejudice:

• an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge
• an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics.

In the midst of the horrendous Russia- Ukraine conflict, how is prejudice getting reinforced among people – in either country? It is arguably understandable for instance that some Ukrainians right now may not have a great view of anyone from Russia. And maybe there are some Russians too feeling far from happy about Ukrainians?

I totally appreciate sat here at a distance (Kiev is over 2000 km from Leiden), it is all too easy to type such questions. I am not living what they are going through. So I need to be careful not to be swift to judge anyone who might be prejudiced towards others in this conflict situation.

Right now with what is happening in Israel/Gaza, I can imagine because of the abhorrent actions of Hamas, some in the region or elsewhere in the world, might give into stereotyping all Palestinians or even Muslims more generally (which of course also ignores that some Palestinians are Christians). It seems in the aftermath of those horrifying attacks and kidnappings by Hamas on Israelis and the tragic deaths of Palestinian civilians as a result of the military response, that anti-Semitic and Islamophobic expression have sadly both increased.

I was hesitant to write the above, since I am not wishing to be insensitive to any of those impacted. Prayers for those who have loved ones who have been kidnapped, prayers for Israelis and Palestinians alike caught up in the terrible whirlwind of this situation.

Let’s bring it back to you and me. Prejudice deepens divisions, it polarises. All too easily, any of us can be sucked into an echo chamber of our own beliefs. Certain social media algorithms often merely reinforce this further.

The danger of the single story?

Can we step back and consider do we have any prejudices?

Maybe our gut reaction is we don’t have. Yet why not take some moments to reflect – do we get negatively stirred by an individual or a group of people coming to mind? What lies behind that in us? Is it genuine concerns about injustice and toxic actions/words or is there something else there, more subtle perhaps but nevertheless, pushing us towards being prejudicial?

Maybe we need to face up to some anger in us? What is behind our being angry? Hurt, injustice, disappointment, feeling others are getting something and we are not, our upbringing and how we were taught about certain others? Something else?

Is there a safe person you could process such things with?

For those who believe in praying, how about some honest gutsy prayers to face up to what is inside? Maybe that might be a starting point.

There is so much more that I could write on preference, bias and prejudice but I think it is time to stop. Next time I aim to pick up more specifically on being a cultural learner rather than a cultural critic.

Thanks for reading,

Andy

Slow down to perceive better

(apply D.I.R)

^{(photo by Maverick Timotius on Unsplash)}

What shapes the way we perceive things?

I been thinking on my answer amidst feeling ill (mmm, so not quite sure why I am typing right now!) Yet it is also a question I have been reflecting on having made the decision to close down my personal Facebook page. I want to simplify my online presence – even if it does cut off one avenue to post a link for this blog.

Social media in itself can of course be a big influence – whether in a good or bad way will depends on various things. What is your experience like? Are you in control of your social media or is it controlling you in some way?

One thing I have noticed at times with threads of messages in Facebook for instance, is that comments can be quite reactive and emotive. Then someone else responds also emotionally and the ‘conversation’ can become toxic very quickly. Are we really ‘hearing’ each other? How easily do any of us jump to a response?

I made a decision quite a while ago to not generally get into commenting on ‘serious’ topics in such threads. I would rather talk with someone or a group – preferably in person or on something like Zoom, if their location makes that more practical.

Enough about social media for this blog. Other influences on the way we perceive things that come to my mind are cultural background, personalities, family, friends, those we mix with, education, movies/books and the like,  previous experiences, our faith or world view. To name but some.

Over the past eight weeks or so I have joined online with others from across the world in the latest cohort of Knowledge WorkX course about ‘Intercultural Intelligence’. Two more weeks to go. We have covered a lot of stimulating and helpful material – far more than I can touch on in just one blog post. Yet one thing that struck me from early in the course was a simple technique to help any of us to slow down before responding. It is known as D.I.R:

D – describe

I – interpret

R- respond

Take a look at this photo below:

^{(photo by John Moeses Bauan from Unsplash)}

What is your reaction this photo? Is it for example something like, ‘oh a homeless person’? If so, how does that then make you respond?

Yet there is no information to tell us that the man on the bench is homeless. D.I.R helps us to step back a bit, to slow down.

Describe – this is a black and white photo. On a bench in a town or city there is a man laying down with his eyes closed. In the background are various people including one man who is looking forward.

Interpretation – the man on the bench is sleeping in a town or city somewhere in Europe or South America. He is very tired after going to a party or he is homeless or he is pretending to be asleep as he knows someone is coming that he does not want to talk to! The man further back, looking on, is curious about the person taking the photo or is wondering who the man is on the bench or sad that his favourite bench to sit on is occupied!

Response – for me this photo stirs curiosity as to who the man on the bench is. Is he okay? What is his life like? Why did the photographer take this photo?

This example of using D.I.R is fairly neutral. Yet I think as a process it can help any of us for instance when reflecting back on a situation that did not go so well or has stirred emotions in us. Or perhaps where we are finding it hard to connect with another person or we are annoyed or frustrated with a person or circumstance. Or we sense someone is frustrated or upset with us.

It can be so easy to jump straight to (poor) interpretation: ‘Jack said that the proposal needs more detail – Jack does not like me’. Then this leads to a (poor) response – such as feeling like giving up or ‘I need to find ways to make Jack like me’ or ‘I’ll show him, he wants detail, right then, he is really going to get it!’

What if instead we go to describe first? To actually pause and reflect on what actually happened. Having someone else with us can help with this. So they can challenge for instance when we switch from description to interpretation. It brings us back to describing, it slows us down, helps us to reflect before moving on.

It is not that we don’t ever interpret or respond but rather we don’t just jump there instinctively.

Why not try D.I.R out? Helen and I have used it a few times in recent weeks to reflect on different situations that have come our way. We have found it helpful.

As I move to a close, a Bible verse comes to mind:

“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry”.

^{James 1:19 New International Version}

D.I.R seems to be one simple tool to help walk out such a verse in reality.

I do appreciate that when in the midst of a situation, it can be harder in the moment to step back. To use something like D.I.R might seem an impossibility. Yet I think if we practice being more observant, reflective, descriptive before giving an interpretation and response, this will also aid us to respond better in those live moments when something is before us.

At the very least where we can – take a breath, count to 5 (or 10) and try not to just respond out of emotion (not that emotions need to be seen by default as negative). I also at times will say a quick prayer in my head – it might be as simple as ‘Lord, please help!’

Learning to be a good listener and asking appropriate questions are I believe other helpful keys.

In weeks ahead I will share other things from the course but for now, I sign off.

Thanks for reading.

Andy

A shout out for peace-makers!

^{(Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash)}

Peace-makers? Join me for a ‘think aloud’ for a few minutes.

Later on today, I will be joining others online for the next cohort session on the ‘Intercultural Intelligence’ course from Knowledge Workx. I am not feeling that great due to a chest infection but looking forward still to continuing that journey. Even if maybe I will need to talk less. This time we will be looking more at various dimensions of culture that impact the way we all interact.

For this blog I was going to write some reflections from the course so far. I still aim to do so in future weeks. Yet seeing the turmoil of the past few days in Israel and Gaza left me feeling like I couldn’t just write as if that was not happening.

The news can’t help but stir concern for all those caught up in this horrific situation – both Jew and Palestinian alike. For those who have lost loved ones, for those who have family members who have been taken hostage. For those in Gaza who are nothing to do with groups like Hamas but nevertheless are terribly caught up in what is occurring. Prayers for all impacted by these horrific circumstances.

This situation along with Ukraine-Russia and Azerbaijan-Armenia bring into sharp focus in my mind stark differences there can be between people. Each situation of course has its history and complexities.

How might peace-makers not just peace-keepers be able to help in such cases? Can they?

I feel am not qualified really to say much on different world flashpoints but ideas of peace and reconciliation are on my mind.

Peace-keeping strikes me as more like ensuring two or more sides are kept apart – like UN troops in places like Cyprus. That sounds like a hard enough call. Yet perhaps it can be the first step towards the even harder task: peace-making. This is ‘one step beyond’ (to steal a line from Madness in the 1980s)! Seeking to bring some sense of reconciliation between groups that see themselves as diametrically opposed. I have admiration for all who are acting behind the scenes to work for peace, away from the glare of news cameras and social media.

What of us? How might any of us in some way be peace-makers not just peace-keepers?

Some words of Jesus seem relevant here –

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”

Matthew 5:9 New International Version

I don’t think this was some hopeless fantasy call. These words are part of a very counter-cultural way of living that Christ was calling people to  as recorded in Matthew chapters 5 to 7. I encourage you to read it. If you read those chapters, there are some really challenging things within what Jesus was saying. Some say it is essentially unachievable! I would suggest otherwise.

Christ was speaking to ordinary people and I don’t think he was putting before them, Mission Impossible. He was not calling for Ethan Hunt (aka Tom Cruise) style ‘super-saints’! Rather it was (and is) that for those following Christ, they would know His grace and enabling to seek to live such a way.

This said, such teaching still needs earthing out into the realities of the world we live in of course! I am not suggesting that is simple to do.

Another tense situation presently is that of Serbia-Kosovo. This pointed me back afresh to the writings of Miroslav Volf, particularly his book ‘Exclusion and Embrace’. This book reflects his Christian faith, theological training and also experiences from within the Balkans particularly. It is a book of hope and at times uncomfortable challenge in a call for change. To embrace what is at times the hard path of seeking reconciliation.

The subtitle of the book is:

‘A theological exploration of identity, otherness and reconciliation’.

• How often do you or I ‘other’ people and so place them into a category of badly different and so in turn they can be dismissed or worse, discriminated against in some way?
• Do we ever fall into a trap of demonising others?

Miroslav Volf does not argue that all differences, grievances and wrongs between individuals or people groups should be ignored. He does not suggest that justice should be thrown out though he does bring questions as to what true restorative justice might look like. Words like forgiveness also pervade his writings – again he does not write of this lightly.

Volf is not advocating for some kind of imposed commonality on us all so in theory we can all be one as humanity. Where would all the positive aspects of cultural diversity and richness be in such a case? Yet he does argue for more porous boundaries between groups or individuals that there might be some glimmer of hope of more mutual understanding (and appreciation?) as part of steps towards reconciliation.

He advocates a challenging call to have a ‘will to embrace’. Such a call throws up all kinds of questions of course. I can’t even begin to do expound this well here.

So where does this leave me with this blog? Well, thinking about Volf’s writings and the words of Jesus quoted, it brings to mind another Bible text:

‘he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf. Be reconciled to God’

2 Corinthians 5:19-20 New International Version

Paul the apostle who wrote these words, initially ‘othered’ the followers of Christ. He was determined to see them wiped off the face of the earth. Yet then Christ stepped into his life and totally changed his life and outlook. Paul writes in the words above about being reconciled to God. The Greek root word behind what we have as ‘reconciliation’ includes a sense of ‘restoration of favour’ (no I am not an ancient Greek expert, I looked it up in times past!). Favour makes me think of one of favourite Bible words: grace!

In Paul’s call for people to be reconciled to God (which he links to being possible through Christ for all), surely there are implications too for people being reconciled to one another? Christ when asked what was the most important aspect of the Law, replied it was to love God with all our being. Yet he linked that to loving our neighbour as ourselves (see Matthew 22:34-40). If we are seeking to love God (and so having a sense of being reconciled to God), then there is the linked called to love others (and by extension, seeking to be reconciled with one another).

I am not suggesting what I write above is easy to live out. Nor do I want it to be me theorising in a disconnected way on heart-breaking situations like the Middle East or Ukraine.

In terms of a response on our part, we may not feel we can do much about such circumstances. Maybe we can give in some way towards humanitarian aid where appropriate.

If you believe in praying, of course please pray for all caught up in such situations. Yet whether we pray or not, what about in our own lives?

• Are we open to the grace, peace and reconciliation available through Christ?
• Have we experienced some sense of grace and reconciliation? If so, are we open to be a channel of this to others?
• Is there a situation that seems impossible in which to see peace come? Do you have a part to play still though to seek for change? Or do you maybe need to step out of the dynamics, either temporarily or permanently?
• Are there situations where we could be advocating for peace – maybe in family, the work place or some other social setting?
• Have we ‘othered’ someone or a group of people? How might we come to see them in a different light? If we feel we can’t, what holds us back? What do we need to work through? Who might help us to do this?

If you have read to here, thank you for doing so. What I have written is far from polished and I need to pray and think it through more.

Somehow by the grace of God, my hope is that people like you and me can be channels for peace and reconciliation. Whilst that can sound all wonderful and uplifting, I get it – walking it out won’t always be easy! It maybe discouraging and heart-rending at times but I believe it is worth pursuing.

Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God!

Andy

With thanks… for water?

Earlier I was over with our daughter at Katwijk (the nearest beach from where we live) – had a paddle and a swim in the water. Very refreshing. I am very grateful that we live close to the coast. I will come back to that thought.

Last weekend, I was with others from the church/student group at a local lake. The occasion was baptising two of the students as an outward expression of their faith in Christ. It was a really hot afternoon and the lakeside was packed but we found a gap to be able to go in for the baptisms. Thankful for water!

One of the books I read recently is ‘Landlines’ by Raynor Winn:

It is her third excursion in to sharing about hikes that she and her husband Moth went on. Scotland, the Pennines and the Welsh Borders are but three of the areas they trek through. At moments, especially with Moth’s ill health the journeying is harrowing. And of course, being the UK, they get soaked at times!

Besides giving me a longing to don walking boots and have a good stretch of the legs, it also stirred memories of hikes in the past – including getting drenched in places like the Lake District, Snowdonia and the Bannau Brycheiniog (Brecon Beacons). Perhaps it is a mind trick of time and nostalgia – but happy remembrances, even with the downpours! Thankful for water?

Water, it is something that we so easily take for granted in a country like the Netherlands. Yes, there is an awareness of it since much of the west of the nation is below sea level. The dykes and other defenses need maintaining and water has to be consistently pumped. Yet largely I guess, most of us living here don’t think about it much and we generally assume that we will have water to drink, cook with, for showers and the like.

Another book recently read brought it home to me afresh about how what we consider basic, ordinary even, is in fact not so for many. The book?

Written by Katherine Boo, it is titled, ‘Beyond the Beautiful Forevers’¹:

It is a vivid and disturbing read about some of the individuals and families in Annawadi, a slum community near Mumbai Airport. One of the ever looming features, is the ‘lake’ in this community – far, far from being fit for use. What a contrast to somewhere like Leiden. Where is any water to be really be thankful for in a place like Annawadi?

How to respond to reading such an account?

That question is compounded for me in relation to Annawadi, since I potentially saw some of the people mentioned, albeit it three years prior to July 2008, when Boo’s account begins. Maybe just for a moment peering through the taxi window at night as we went along Airport Road, we saw someone referred to in the book. We were on our way to serve elsewhere in India, so Mumbai soon receded in our minds. And yet, those night time streets have often come back to mind. Reading ‘Beyond the Beautiful Forevers’ brought it back full on to me.

The account left me somewhat overwhelmed. Add into that reading of tragic news like the deadly earthquake in Morocco and the huge loss of life from flooding in Libya, I was not quite sure what to do, how to respond? Well besides prayers offered, I am still reflecting on it.

Of course, there are charities we can all support – and that can be a good thing to do. One such charity – Water Aid² highlights on the front page of their website that 1 in 10 people don’t have clean water close to home. That is close to 800 million people. People like you and me! And it is resolvable – it does not have to be this way.

Yes, we can respond with finances, write letters and support campaigns to see injustice and neglect dealt with. Yet most of us are going to carry on living in the places where we are. How do we do so in a way that is

• grateful everyday for what we have – not bemoaning what we supposedly lack,

• nor warped by guilt for simply being where we live yet convicted to not just prop up the status quo and

• is generous to others and compassionately and actively mindful of those who have less?

All that strikes me as being part of the call of living out grace filled lives. Following Christ is not just about ‘personal salvation’ but also something of His truth, justice and righteousness being seen on earth as it is in heaven! And none of this is easy to write publicly, for I know I full far short in following Christ (though, so thankful for grace).

My thoughts bring me back to the coast. Thankful for water…

My dad taught me to swim in the sea at a beach in Devon, SW England. Many of my early memories are from besides and in the water. I love going to the shore. Just as my human father taught me in the sea to swim, going to the sea always acts as a picture of the endless love of God the Father. I know that might sound really cheesy – I realise that! Yet each time I am there, I have a sense of my worries, those things to confess, the heart cries, being like a drop of water taken up within the vast expanse before me. As the opening words of a 19th Century hymn declare,

‘Here is love vast as the ocean‘.³

Having expressed in the middle verse about the crucifixion, the last verse ends with these words about God (with apologies for old style English):

‘Thy great love and pow’r on me
without measure, full and boundless,
drawing out my heart to Thee.‘³

Walking, praying, being at the coast does not necessarily change anything in the world. Yet for me it is a gift that each time reminds me of God’s love, brings restoration and maybe, changes me a little more or at least I hope it does.

Does this answer everything about Ukraine, Libya or Morocco? Of course not. I would not dare to suggest it does. Yet simply being overwhelmed by the needs of the world is also not really going to answer anything. I believe love for God and love of others can help us live in a way that makes a difference.

It is for provoking in me such challenges as this, that I am also thankful for something like water today!

Andy

¹ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behind_the_Beautiful_Forevers

² https://www.wateraid.org/

³ https://hymnary.org/text/here_is_love_vast_as_the_ocean

With thanks… for a well lived life!

^{Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash}

How do you sum up the life of someone who had such a positive impact on so many lives? I have been pondering that as I reflect on the recent passing away of (Dr) Ken Kite.

Is it possible to capture in a few paragraphs, the difference that Ken made to so many people? Ken left a huge legacy not just some fleeting footprints.

This past week I was added into a WhatsApp group of former Exeter University students linking up about Ken. All saddened at the news of Ken’s death yet also incredibly grateful for his life. Sadly, Helen and I won’t be able to make it to the funeral. So I want to share some words here – if nothing else for my own processing and reflecting. Yet also, I hope, in honour of Ken.

I first met Ken soon after I moved into Raddon House on the university campus back in Autumn 1986. Alongside his work as a senior lecturer in Chemistry, Ken was the sub-warden of the accommodation halls where I lived. On being introduced to Ken, he said he already knew who I was, which was slightly unnerving! It turned out that the main warden’s wife was one of the Biology teachers from my school days!

Like for other students seeking to work out blending Christian faith and uni life, Ken took me under his wing. There was nothing pretentious about Ken but instead a passion in him for Christ and living in a way to reflect this. Ken encouraged me to treasure the gift of life, to pray, to think, to be curious and to being challenged.

Occasionally some of the things he believed, I was not so sure about. Yet Ken was welcoming of my asking questions and stirred my reading of Scripture to be with both a receptive heart and a thoughtful, inquisitive mind. I can’t say I have always managed to live up to that in practice of course!

I remember going with Ken to hear him speak at church services. Though I saw it a number of times, I loved his use of a handkerchief and chemicals dying it different colours. It was in order to help explain the essence of the Gospel. Anyone reading this who ever saw that talk, will remember well what I mean.

I believe listening to him preach was a significant seed to even my serving now as a pastor. Though I have never done the chemical thing!

Ken loved Christ but he was not lost in an ivory tower of religion. For instance, he had a joy of music and literature. His comments were often infused with a quote from a poem or other literary work. Knowing Ken, further inspired me in all things Middle Earth too.

Though I moved out of Raddon for my third year of uni, Ken’s mentoring influence continued – as it did for many others. Now that I think of it, did he have enough time for himself? I hope so.

In the WhatsApp group I mentioned, various photos have been shared – including of different weddings that Ken attended. One such photo was from our wedding. There are some great fashion statements to be seen amidst all the photographic displays!

Ken gave the New Testament reading during our marriage service and was a guest in the reception. Fond memories of his involvement.

I am glad to reflect that this was not the last occasion that we saw Ken. Our daughter Anna remembers Ken visiting our home in Brixham and guess what – Anna has a vivid memory from our lounge of the handkerchief and chemical tricks!

My parents were both very fond of Ken. When I heard that Ken had passed away, instinctively I wanted to tell them. Of course, not possible. Though perhaps the three of them have caught up by now!

The final time I saw Ken was a number of years ago when I had the delight of seeing him once more in the home where he was living then – not far from the St. Luke’s campus. Ken’s health had taken some down turn. Yet he was an encouragement as ever and joyous at the news he and I shared about other former Exeter Uni students. I didn’t know then that we would not meet in person again.

Ken’s passing hit me quite hard when I heard. Though we had not been in active contact these last years, like my parents, Ken was a hugely significant figure in my life.

The last email that I have from Ken is pre-pandemic. In the email he gave an update about his health yet also he penned about all kinds of people and things he was grateful for, despite limitations he was experiencing. He wrote of missing preaching.

Some of his words just before he signed off, struck me afresh reading them today:

God’s riches of grace are endless and encircle me at all times.  Why this change in my circumstances I have no idea but I trust in the good Lord’s providence… I cannot see the future but am sure that the good Lord will keep me safe.

To me, this helps sum up the kind of trust in God that Ken had and sought to share with others. Very thankful for Ken.

A very well lived life. Mmm… I wonder if Ken is doing the chemical thing in eternity?

Andy